Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Miracles DO happen

The same day I peed on a stick & saw the + sign I said to Frank, I know this baby is a boy & he will be born on October 5th. Call it mother's intuition or some sort of crazy divine intervention, but Rowan Blackington Grinnell was born on October 5th, 2009. By now you are aware that the same day 1 year ago we lost our twin girls. Since that tragic day I have been able to move forward by believing that my Angels are watching over me & this pregnancy. While the pregnancy hasn't exactly been smooth sailing I always had this gut feeling that things would be OK. I convinced myself to believe that Raphael, the angel of healing, and Lailah, the angel of conception, would take care of this baby & make sure that he arrived safely into our arms.

Around 10pm on October 4th I started having contractions & thought, hmmmmm, is it really going to happen on the 5th? Could it possibly happen on the 5th? At 3am we went into L&D triage & were told that I was still dilated to a 4. After walking around the hospital for an hour in an attempt to "speed things along" I was still at a 4 & was sent home. At 8:30am my contractions had significantly intensified, so we went in & sure enough after 3 weeks of being dilated 4cm I progressed to 5cm & was admitted! Around 2:00 I started pushing & at 2:58pm Rowan was born. As I held this precious little man for the first time I looked at him and immediately knew that this was all meant to be. It was clear that there was a greater plan for me & while it was really hard at times to keep believing, the moment I laid eyes on Rowan it all became so clear. Our girls selflessly gave themselves & shared their day, so we could have Rowan.

Rowan had a longer transition time than most babies & was taken tot he NICU for observation due to fluid in his lungs. He was a 9 lb baby & because of his big head he never really got a final squeeze on his chest to expel some of the fluid. Frank followed him to the NICU & once I was able to get up & into a wheelchair I was taken to the NICU to hold my little man's hand while the doctor's & nurses made sure his difficulty breathing wasn't caused by something more severe such as a collapsed lung or pneumonia. After a few hours they insisted that I leave & go to my room on the floor so the nurses could check me out & monitor my physical status, Frank stayed with Rowan. Leaving the NICU was so hard, already I didn't want to leave Rowan for even a second. As they wheeled me to my room I was worried, scared & uncertain whether or not he would be able to stay with us for the night. They opened the door to my room & the first thing I saw was a picture on the wall. It was a photograph of two girls holding hands in matching pink dresses with their backs towards me looking at a tree. I immediately burst into tears because I knew it was MY girls. They were telling me that Rowan would be just fine and that they were responsible for this incredible miracle. It was a surreal moment & while I've never been one to really buy into the supernatural, it was all too much to chalk up to coincidence. 30 minutes later Frank called & said "WE are on our way up to join you". Upon the pediatricians analysis of Rowan she pointed out two birth marks, one on each of his eye lids. These birth marks are called Angel Kisses! While they will fade in time & won't interfere with Rowans (or his mother's) vanity, it is again, an incredible sign that he does have two beautiful angels watching over him.

So October 5th went from being the worst day of my life to the best. Over the course of the year I have learned so much about myself, about priorities, about pain & grief & strength & attitude. I have been forever changed as a person & truly see the world through a whole new perspective. October 5th will always be a happy day because it marks the day Rowan came into our life & it also serves as a reminder to never take anything for granted & to remember that sometimes when life just doesn't make sense & you are tempted to give up hope something much greater might be in store for you. Miracles do come true.


  1. Beautiful Dana. Absolutely beautiful!!

  2. What can I say I am once again crying while reading your entry. So beautiful and true. I am so glad that you are blessed with Rowan and we can't wait to meet him!

  3. Kissed my angels! Rowan is born into a beautiful family! -hillary

  4. Thanks so much for sharing this, Dana! I love birth stories and yours is just so amazing! I couldn't be happier for you and Frank. You just seem so happy and content with your life and I have really enjoyed getting to know you again through your blog over the past few months. -Tara (Bailey) Mattila

  5. Full Circle - I think life does that. When Cory passed away on our anniversary, people thought that would be difficult timing but instead, each year, it is just another reason to celebrate the time I had with him! Your baby is absolutely perfect. Thanks for sharing on your blog, Dana.


A pregnancy blog with a twist.

If you start from my first entry "The Beginning" you will hear about my life's tragedy.  Out of the ashes of this terrible experience I have formed a whole new outlook on pregnancy.  Throw away the pregnancy books, stop worrying and complaining about pregnancy symptoms, forget about the multi-billion dollar pregnancy & baby industry and simply enjoy the miracle of creating life.  I plan to write about this pregnancy process from a new perspective.  A wiser, more thankful, and hopefully not too jaded perspective.  Since I wouldn't wish my tragedy on my worst enemy I hope that women can learn from my experience and perhaps view their own pregnancies in a slightly different light.  Enjoy!  And, happy miracle making!