"Links"

I now know what it feels like to be a Jimmy Dean sausage link!  

Due to the active nature of my job, I stand a lot.  A mild to moderately busy day now sends me home exhausted.   A long day on my feet causes my legs to swell & my feet to ache.  As I've discussed before, pregnancy exacerbates everything.  This is largely due to my energy stores being put to work supporting the growing baby, instead of my body.  Swelling is very common due to the increased blood volume which results in water retention & tissue edema.  So with all this in mind and knowing that regardless of how hard I try to modify my day (giving myself time to sit etc.) I still spend a lot of time standing, walking, and "running" about which sends me home exhausted with aching, swollen legs.  A few friends of mine who have similar work-related demands suggested asking Dr. B for prescription compression hose.  So I did!

Appt. #1

I was asked to take off my pants and stand in front of a very nice nurse who was trying to make small talk about the crazy weather patterns and the new Brazilian restaurant that just opened up by the movie theater.  She whips out a measuring tape and measures my ankle, calf & thigh.  In case you didn't already know this, those parts of your body don't "suck-in" very well.  Although "sucking-in" I tried, to the point where she said, "it's OK, you can breathe".  She smiles (or smirks) and writes down the measurements.  "Now your doctor prescribed a very firm grade of hose, you are going to want to give yourself about 20 minutes in the morning to get them on, and you will want to purchase a pair of rubber gloves with firm grips on the fingers.  I will order your hose and call you when they come in".  I had to repeat what she told me in my head a few times, what have a gotten myself into? 

Appt. #2

Again, pant-less, I found myself standing in front of a different, but very nice, nurse who smiled (or smirked) as she put on her rubber gloves and pulled my stockings out of the box.  "You can't scrunch these hose up like you do regular pantyhose, because if you do you can get your hand stuck in them and may not be able to get it back out".  I chuckled to myself, until she had me put my hand down the hose to feel how strong they are and I couldn't force it past the upper knee region if I tried.  How in the world am I going to get these suckers on my legs?  Ahhh haaaa the rubber gloves.  She helped me get the feet and calf portions on my legs then handed over the rubber gloves so I could put the rest of them on myself.  "Would you like to keep them on?"  I nodded, more in fear of her suggested removal technique than desire to remain in my new second skin.  "I'll meet you out front".  I put my pants over the very fashionable hose and proceeded to start to walk towards the front desk.  Walking in compression hose is an experience in itself, it feels as though someone has strapped springs up and down your legs and has sent you walking on the moon.  After walking, or spring stepping, to the front desk I also discovered that these suckers aren't cheap.   

So 2 appointments and $160 later I committed to wearing these hose to work, just to see if they help.   Well sure enough I now cannot live without my sausage sheaths!  They are money well spent & worth sacrificing those 15-20 minutes of sleep each day.   They do have a few downsides however.  I wouldn't expect to see them in Alexander McQueen's fall collection.  And, never mind the fact that by the time I reach my destination my pants have hiked themselves at least half way up my calf, causing more than a few stares.  Or the static electricity that radiates from my lower quadrant, making me feel blessed that I don't sell balloons for a living.  Oh, and another added bonus, as if pregnancy isn't already sexy enough, there seems to be real sex appeal to sitting naked at the end of the bed with blue rubber gloves on prying, pulling, & tugging these super strength pantyhose while uttering expletives at 6:15 in the morning.  Some men prefer Playboy, mine prefers the self-application of high-grade maternity compression hose, ha, ha!   All the negative side effects aside they certainly work their magic making my legs feel better, longer throughout the work day.  And, I now have a very special place in my heart for all of those encased meats out there in the world.