12 Weeks

Why is it standard protocol to wait until you are 12 weeks pregnant to announce your pregnancy?  I suppose the thought is that the rate of miscarriage is high before then, and why would one want to have to tell everyone that they miscarried until they are safely in the clear.  I certainly followed this standard protocol with my first pregnancy.  I even waited the standard 16 weeks before I announced that I was having twins for fear of a "disappearing twin".  I guess our society has taught us to avoid sharing life's hardships and portray the image that everything is perfect.  

Well, despite me waiting the standard 12 weeks to announce my pregnancy and 16 weeks to announce my twin pregnancy, I still lost my pregnancy at 23 weeks.  I have always been one to focus on the positive and cover-up or hide the negative, but my loss became a very public event.  I received phone calls, cards, e.mails from people I hadn't talked to in years, friends who didn't even know I was pregnant to begin with.  My parent's friends' friends' from all over the country were sending me well-wishes, etc.  Normally I would've crawled into a hole and come out when everything was OK again, but this time I was forced into sharing my tragedy with everyone I have ever had contact with throughout my life.  

Through this I learned a very valuable lesson.  Life isn't always perfect, and living through tragedy helps you grow as a person.  Sharing these horrific events with others not only helps them look at their own life's blessings and be thankful, but all of these people become a very valuable support network to help you through the difficult time.  In one of my grieving books they specifically mention that the length of time it takes to grieve a loss is directly related to the amount of support for the griever.  I was overwhelmed with support, it was truly amazing.  In addition, so many people stepped forward and shared their own tragedies with me and offered advice as to how they coped and made it through in one piece.  This was perhaps the most helpful for my recovery.  Hearing these stories and noting that each one had a light at the end of the long dark tunnel helped me focus on the fact that I could get there, because they all did.  

So here I am, still walking through my tunnel.  While I am pregnant the tunnel is still dark, but the light is starting to shine through, and while I am only 6 weeks pregnant I am not afraid to share this information with the world.  First, of all why not share the great news after such terrible news last fall?  Secondly, if something does happen I know I am going to need everyone's support more than ever.  So there you have it: shout it out!  Share your exciting news with the world, because most likely everything will be just fine.  If you find that life isn't always perfect, you might just be surprised how many people have been through miscarriages, stillbirths, infant losses, and how their stories might just help you through.