Till Death Do Us Part

When I exchanged those vows 5 1/2 years ago I had no idea what they meant.  For better or worse, rich or poor, in sickness and in health, till death do us part.  I was 25 years old at the time and had never really experienced any tragedy, unhappiness, or hardship.  My biggest contemplations were what apartment I was going to live in, who I was going to go out with Friday night, and what I would wear.  Life was so simple.  While I always loved the traditional vows and knew I wanted to marry my fiancee, I had no idea what life would bring and that those vows would be tested.  

Throughout the entire experience of losing our babies Frank has stood by my side and has been my rock.  Never has he blamed me (or anyone else for that matter), he lets me cry when I need to, he hugs me, and has never suggested that I should "just get over it".  We have truly been through the "for better or worse" vow.  Our doctor told us that he has seen couples go one of two ways when going through experiences similar to this: closer together or apart.  There really is no happy medium and I feel so lucky to say that we have come out of this closer together, and not apart.

One of my girlfriends shared a passage from a Harville Hendrix book with me, and it touched me so deeply, I wanted to share it with you.  While Frank and I are more solid than ever these are definitely commandments to live by and to strive for daily.  

The Commandments of a Conscious Marriage/Relationship

Heal each other's childhood wounds.

Call each other back to original wholeness.

Visualize our Dream Relationship daily.

Keep each other emotionally and physically safe at all times.

Keep all exits to our relationship closed.

End all behaviors that avoid intimacy.

Give each other caring behaviors daily.

Give each other surprises monthly.

End all criticism.

Ask directly for what we want.

Express all negative feelings appropriately.

I love you Frank!  Happy Valentines Day!