A new meaning to the term couch potato...

After a weekend of "laying low" I went into my doctor's appointment on Tuesday feeling good & confident that this appointment was simply a formality. The progesterone seemed to be doing its job as the spotting had ceased and I just felt better all the way around. Despite how I was feeling, unfortunately my ultrasound results were less than stellar. My cervix length was down to 2.7 from 3.8 on Friday. Without hesitation Dr. B put me on bed rest, indefinitely. His thought is that the progesterone will continue to "kick-in" and will hopefully stabilize my cervical length, but considering my history & the rapid rate of cervical shortening in the past week and a half, he was not willing to risk anything. While an entire summer in the horizontal position flashed-forward in my mind, I did not disagree or argue with his orders. I left his office, after a few hours of tests and discussions with he and the nurses, in tears and with a big pit in my stomach. I hadn't felt a thing, contractions, cramps, nothing that would indicate my cervix shortening to a risky length. There were no warning signs which is what scares me the most going forward and leaves me a little disheartened.

I am just now writing this entry because I have spent the past 2 days feeling sorry for myself. Last time the whole cascade of events leading up to losing the girls had nothing to do with my cervix. Why now? It sometimes feels as though anything that can and will go drastically wrong in pregnancy happens to me and I find myself longing for harmless symptoms such as morning sickness or sciatica. Normally a very healthy person, I am just not accustomed to being the medical anomaly. I have watched so many friends go through flawless pregnancies where they work until their delivery date, never miss a beat socially, and even engage in daily jogs through the foothills. Some of them even claim that when running into their OB in public he or she gives them a blank look as though they don't even remember who they are. How is this possible when I spend 3 days "laying low" and have a cervical erosion of over 1 cm? And, as much as I love Dr. B, why can't I be his anonymous patient who sees him only for regular check-ups when he has to double check my first name before he enters the exam room? On the contrary I am his new BFF because I see him 4 times a week and have every form of contact info for him aside from his social security number! I'm not sure why this is my challenge in life but it seems to be and I am just trying to roll with the punches the only way I know how, with optimism & a glass half full attitude. So here I am writing this entry with a slightly more positive outlook and a long list of things I want to accomplish while subjected to my couch. With that being said, you may be hearing from me quite a bit more frequently! Oh, and if you have any movie or book favorites, don't hesitate to pass them along.